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There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in

There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in

Title quote by Leonard Cohen.

About the AFAB Group

We are a small social group of 14-19 year old autistic girls, and those assigned a female gender at birth (AFAB). We come together once a week during term time in understanding and solidarity.

In May 2024 we all shared a special journey together into the world of Kinstugi, where with broken fragmants of pottery we set about rebuilding and repairing a series of pots.

The strength and solidarity we bring to each other is gold. This group means everything to me.

Anon – AFAB group member

About Kintsugi

Kintsugi, also known as Kintsukuroi, is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.

This practice not only restores the functionality of the broken item but also transforms it into a unique piece of art.

The word “kintsugi” translates to “golden joinery” or “golden repair,” highlighting the use of precious metals in the repair process.

It is often used as a metaphor for healing and recovery in life, suggesting that brokenness and repair can lead to a stronger, more beautiful whole.

The process

So the practical process goes likes this:

  1. Pots were purchased from our local charity shops. 
  2. We all went to a grassy area and, well, we smashed them.
  3. We gathered up the pieces and took them back to our AFAB room.
  4. We mixed together some glue and gold glitter.
  5. We stuck the pieces back together using the gold glue.
  6. We left the pots to dry in a ventilated area.
  7. We then placed them on a decorative plinth to display them and set out amongst them some relevant quotes that encapsulate Kintsugi.

Top Tip

Stick the pieces back together one at a time whilst leaving time for the glue to dry in between because otherwise it all turns into one big sticky, slidy mess!

Images and quotes from our Kintsugi experience

To grow is to change. Change can be scary. It causes you to dive deep into your inner self. It’s hard to go diving, to find our strength.

We need to break open to grow and become everything we can be in the world.

AH – AFAB group member

I’ve had multiple set-backs and losses. There were times when I felt I had no strength to keep going. I have learned I am stronger than I ever thought possible.

When everything falls apart the reconstruction is almost impossible, but so satisfying. I’m badass!

AD – AFAB group member

broken pinky red pot with someone holding the bits together

AFAB group

This article was written in collaboration with the members of our AFAB group whom we are proud to have as guest contributors to our site.

Are you questioning your gender?

Are you questioning your gender?

Are you questioning your gender? Or do you know a trans person?

Well, recent studies have shown autism and transness* conflate more often than in neurotypicals.

Autism and transness are linked – you’re not an anomaly or anything! Yippee!!

If you know any autistic people who aren’t trans, maybe ask them if they’ve ever questioned their gender, or vice versa.

[* transness: the fact of being transgender; having a gender that does not match the body you were born with].

Autism and transness are linked – you’re not an anomaly!

Why the link?

The most common reason people think autism and transness converge often, is that it’s thought people hyper-fixate on figuring out their gender. Autistic people are also more likely to be gender non-conforming, so that may play a part.

Perhaps the reason is genetics, perhaps it’s related to differences in perceptions of gender, or maybe it’s connected to how autistic people interpret internal sensory signals that then inform how we feel in our bodies, and about ourselves.

People are now coming out and saying, “Yes, this is me!”

What do the statistics say?

Did you know that:

  1. Trans people are up to 6 times more likely to be autistic.
  2. Autistic people are more likely to be gender diverse.

In statistics generally, when a group of people are finally given access to information about or just generally allowed to exist somewhat peacefully, there will be a spike in numbers, as these people are now coming out and saying, “Yes, this is me!”.

People who haven’t before said they are this thing, are now being recognised, in which case, the spike will eventually level out to a steady level.

More people will be counted in a statistic if they feel they can finally and safely identify as trans without backlash.

In Spectrum News we see the “Largest study to date confirms overlap between autism and gender diversity“, showing that an autism identified are more common among gender-diverse people.

Statistics showing autism diagnosis by gender identity

gender expression and gender identity are different things!

Your unique brand of trans

A lot of the autistic people I know are also some brand of trans, or have questioned their gender at some point. There may be more people like you around than you think. 😀

Talking about ‘brands’ of gender, a useful thing to remember is that gender expression and gender identity are different things!

How you dress and how you identify gender-wise are two completely different things: you wouldn’t call a cis-girl tomboy a guy just because she’s wearing – I don’t know, a lumberjack shirt.

It’s ok if you’re trans and your gender identity and gender expression aren’t the same, that just makes you super-comfortable in yourself!

These identities have existed for centuries, probably longer

History

If you are a person that draws a line at some identities, maybe you've said something like,

“You’re ‘non-binary’? You can’t be in-between! Pick one!” 

or

“‘Gender fluid’? Ha, they’re taking this too far now!”

... then take a look at history. These identities have existed for centuries, probably longer.

Like in Hawaii, the Māhūs are third gender people with additional spiritual and social roles.

And in Norse mythology, Loki is shown to be gender-fluid.

A Polynesian third gender, RaeRae, is a man who behaves as and considers himself to be a woman.

History says trans rights, so maybe you should too. 😀

I don’t believe this needs to be said but: if you are any brand of non-binary gender that is fine. If we were all either a ‘1’ or a ‘2’, the world would be so boring! And even if only two genders are recognised in most countries, psychology and medicine and such support non-binary, gender-fluid and other identities as valid.

Resources:

    Pronouns

    If you are having a hard time figuring out about gender pronouns Jake Edwards, a non binary youtuber, talks about "

    YouTubers

    Finding trans YouTubers and such are helpful too. I watch Jammidodger and Noahfinnce, they have good videos on transition stuff.

    I’ve heard Ash Hardell is also good – just have a look around, find the YouTuber that makes content you like.

    NB Keep in mind that the three I’ve mentioned are trans masc/trans men; I’m not overly familiar with any trans women YouTubers unfortunately.

    Supporting a trans person

    The Trevor project is good if you’re struggling to support a trans person in your life and feel out of our depth

    You might also want to look at Supporting the Transgender People in Your Life: A Guide to Being a Good Ally

    Other useful links

    Proud2Be is a grassroots user-led social enterprise that exists to support and enable LGBTQ+ people in Devon (and beyond).

    The Proud Trust is an LGBT+ organisation that supports LGBT+ young people. They have a good page on their website for exploring gender identity.

    Intercom Trust are based in Exeter and are an LGBT+ led charity improving wellbeing and inclusion across the region. They also have a great resources page.

    Oreo- He/him

    This article was written by a past coaching client of WayMakers whom we are proud to have as a guest contributor to our site.